A Whole Nother Thing

Seldom at a loss for words.

Photo 8
Abode: Nine Forward
Interests: Writing, Singing, Working Out

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A selection of words from my vast vocabulary, including the ubiquitous "the," the always versatile "and," and the more obscure "incontrovertible," arranged in frequently meaningful, sometimes profound, yet often pedestrian sentences and statements, designed with one goal in mind-- that being, to communicate; keeping in mind the oft-used bromide, "Never use two words when one will do the same job as two or more words would have done, unless you just want to take up space and sound important," which is, I must concede, too often a secret objective of mine indeed. And yet, now, the secret is out.

Who ARE these women?

© MMX Mattquist. Some Rights Reserved

Saturday, December 31, 2005

Need More Readers

Well, our Readership Drive is off to a big start! We've had ZERO responses, so that must mean that everyone is afraid to go first! Come on now; don't be shy.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/31/2005 10:17:00 AM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Thursday, December 29, 2005

End-of-Year Readership Drive

As the end of the year approaches, I would like to start a blog tradition. It's kinda like those listener pledge drives that they have on the public broadcasting stations, where they want you to call in and pledge money. But in this case, I'm not asking for money; I'm just asking that ANYONE and EVERYONE who reads this blog LEAVE A COMMENT. Let me know you're here.

Keaton, his girlfriend Claire, Brant, my parents and I met yesterday morning for breakfast. (The pix here is of Claire and Keaton.) It was a good time. Just relaxing and puttering around the rest of this week while on vacation.

Remember, click on the "Reflections" link at the bottom of this post, and let me know you're there!

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/29/2005 08:57:00 AM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Monday, December 26, 2005

Now THIS is the Spirit of Christmas...

On Christmas Eve, the shoppers were all scurrying to and fro to get their last minute presents. But nowhere was the traffic more clogged than at the LIQUOR STORE! Yep; in fact it was so bad, they needed TWO guys in the parking lot to direct traffic! Now, that's what I call the Spirit of Christmas.

I posted some requisite pictures of our family Christmas festivities on my web site. Clickage on this spot RIGHT HERE will land you entrance to my deluxe site (soon to be an award-winning site, I am sure). Once you get inside, click on the "Christmas 2005" link on the left.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/26/2005 12:25:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Saturday, December 24, 2005

It Smacks of Scrooge...

Due to poor planning on the part of the people in charge down at UPS, I have been summoned to report to work today, Saturday, Christmas Eve. In my nearly 27 years at UPS I've never had to work a Saturday-- until today.

8:43 AM:
News Update!: I just got a call from UPS and they told me that I do NOT need to report to work today! I have been blessed. But my second thought (after my first thought, which was relief) was that it STILL smacks of Scrooge for all those guys (and gals) who have to work today. Isn't it Scrooge who forced What's-His-Name to work on Christmas (or was it Christmas Eve)? I feel bad for those lower seniority people down at work. And the only reason they have to work today is because UPS management did a piss-poor job of planning this year.

Okay, now that I have that off my chest, here's something a little more light. You just HAVE to click on this link and listen to this. I guess it's been around for a few years, but I just discovered it yesterday on NPR. For a really humerous audio clip CLICK HERE and then click on the red "Listen" button at the top of the article. Merry Christmas!

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/24/2005 08:34:00 AM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Friday, December 23, 2005

They Don't call it "PEAK" for Nothin'

It's been a busy, long week. I'm tired. Hopefully I'll have time to blog tomorrow (Christmas Eve) or on Christmas.

<<-- My package car on Wednesday.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/23/2005 10:59:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Monday, December 19, 2005

Typing in the Dark

It was a veritable Winter Wonderland today. Yesterday afternoon at about 4 pm, a snow/ice storm blew into the Portland area. It was pretty cool. I went and did a little Christmas shopping at the mall. What a postcard-like activity to do-- shop for Christmas while it's snowing! Since the weather was so bad, any planned Sunday evening activity was canceled, so I wrapped presents (wrapping presents, for me, consists of putting the gift in decorative sacks and artfully placing pieces of tissue paper over the items-- I don't do real wrapping anymore. Sorry; I just don't.) while I watched the TV "Breaking News" drama ("There's actually snow falling. And there are actually traffic problems."”) unfold before me. There'’s only so much of that high drama I can stand before I have to turn it off, which I did, in order to luxuriate my ears with Christmas music while I sipped my nog (among other Holiday Beverages) while I lovingly placed the tissue papers, making sure they poofed out the top of the sacks, oh-so tastefully. Shall we start a new paragraph now?

Let's. So today, the roads were basically passable, although it was nice that pretty much everything decided to cancel itself for the day, so traffic was light. The pix attached to this blog was taken this afternoon, highlighting the freezing rain aspect of the Weather Event. [Editor's Note: The attached pix isn't. Because for some unknown reason, it wasn't transmitted by my cell phone to the Nine Forward Central Computers (NFCC) for processing. Our regrets. Just imagine a pix of a tree with about a quarter-inch of ice on every branch and twig, and you'll get the idea.]

One thing nice about having ample amounts of laptops lying around the townhouse is that they run even while the lights don't, as is the case as I compile this post. As I carefully, yet easily, pulled my vehicle into my garage this evening (after a long and arduous day of providing package deliverance to the masses) and turned it off (the car), the lights in the neighborhood all went off. They'’re still off now, a full one-and-a-half hours later. I must say I was pleased that my backup emergency lights (that I have placed in strategic locations around Nine Forward) worked very well, giving me ample time to light a number of candles which are now providing the sole source of light, save the blue glow of the screen on which this memo is being meticulously crafted for your reading pleasure.

I don't know; maybe it's the lights being out that tends to bring out this literary weirdness in me. I'd love to think that's the case, but I have my doubts.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/19/2005 10:18:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Saturday, December 17, 2005

Mixing Two Songs

For some reason I've got two songs in my head. Have you ever done this? I start humming one song, and then at a certain point in the song, in some warped and twisted merger, I trans into a completely nother, totally unrelated song, as if it flows normally. And no matter how hard I try, I can't stay in the first song!

Here's my conundrum. It's a meld of "Baby It's Cold Outside" and "New York, New York." Here's how it goes:

I really can't stay -- Baby it's cold outside,
I've got to go away-- Baby it's cold outside,
The evening has been-- Been hoping that you'd drop in,
So very niiiiiiiice (crescendo)-- If I can MAKE it there, I'll make it ANYWHERE
It's up to you, New York, --New York!

Arrrgh! It keeps going over and over in my mind!

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/17/2005 09:33:00 AM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Friday, December 16, 2005

Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies

1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
1 cup lemon juice
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila

Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl; check the
Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one
level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large
fluffy bowl.
Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again. At this point it's best to
make sure the Cuervo is still OK; try another cup ...just in case.
Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and
chuck in the cup of dried fruit, Pick the frigging fruit off
floor... Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the
beaterers just pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who giveshz a sheet.
Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your
nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you
can find. Greash the oven.
Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't
forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the
window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the


link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/16/2005 08:42:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Wednesday, December 14, 2005

It's Peak Season!

The fecal matter really hit the proverbial fan today. Mayhem when I arrived at work this morning. Many, many parcels loaded in my truck, and many, many more parcels stacked on the walkway behind the car, waiting to be loaded. Usually I get out of the building by 8:30. Today it was 9:00.

Yesterday (such a wonderful memory) I did 139 stops, and it was a really good day. Today I did 181. Substantial.

As few of you probably are aware, today is December 14th. I celebrate this day every year. Why? Because Thurston and Lovey Howell always did (Gilligan's Island). Why did they say they celebrated December 14th? Because it only comes once a year.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/14/2005 08:52:00 PM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Tuesday, December 13, 2005

Pass me the Flat Tire, Please...

This morning, as I arrived at work, another driver, Larry, pointed at my right front tire (on my personal car) and noted that it was really low. Tonight, as I left work, I hoped that I could make it off the Island and to a gas station to get some air. But, my hopes were dashed. I had to stop and change the tire. Two good things, though: There was a well-lit parking lot where I pulled to do the work, nice and safe. And, the weather was dry and relatively comfortable. And, (I guess this makes three) I had a REAL tire in the trunk to put on as a spare-- not one of those wimpy fake spare tires. You can't see it very well in this picture, but the tire is very, very flat.

It went off without a hitch. I'm so handy.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/13/2005 09:48:00 PM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Monday, December 12, 2005

Resistance is Futile

This is me, wearing my bluetooth cell phone thingy. I think it makes me look like a Borg, on Star Trek TNG. Maybe someday we'll all be fortunate enough to have electronic implants (merging humanity with technology!) that will make life so much easier.

My suggestion would be to have something planted in the eyelids, or maybe in the optical nerve, so that when we close our eyes (or maybe even when they're open) we could access all kinds of information-- like a "heads-up" display on many cars nowadays. And of course, we all could benefit from having our communication technology surgically implanted within our ears, etc. Cell-phones are SO Twentieth Century.

Had another pribby good day at work today. Loads o' fun.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/12/2005 08:30:00 PM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Sunday, December 11, 2005

Deck the Halls With Boughs of Folly

I got the tree up last night and went to put on the ornaments, but in my haste to exit Wal-Mart yesterday I realized that I had FAILED to purchase those little paper clip-like hangers for the balls. Why, in all seriousness, to they sell the balls without the hangers? I KNEW that this was normal practice, and yet somehow in the far reaches of my mind I guess I was hoping that the Christmas Ornament Retailing Association (CORA) had finally gotten it's proverbial act together and encouraged its members to ACTUALLY INCLUDE the hangers with the bulbs.

But no.

So the decorating had to wait until today. But, as you can see by the pix, the wait was well worth it. I'm calling my tree Rudolph; and I hope, upon closer examination (click on the pix), you will see why. The stockings on the mantle (hung with care) are for Wilma and Seven. The felines refuse to appear in a picture together, so their stockings will have to suffice.

Speaking of the cats, I awoke at 6:00 Saturday morning to a cat fight. It was real. It was loud. It was startling. And it was on the floor at the foot of my bed. I don't know what precipitated the confrontation (as I was asleep at the time) but I would put my money on Wilma being the instigator. She's turned into a real witch, spelled with a "B." However, Seven, being less than half Wilma's age, being a man (physically stronger, you know), and being a fine catfighter, had the upper hand, I think. After I got done swinging my bathrobe at them to get them to separate (oh, it was WICKED!), the hair left on my rug was all Wilma's. Of course her hair has all those mats in it, so I think Seven must have dislodged a few of them in the fracas. I laid back down and went back to sleep.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/11/2005 04:04:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Saturday, December 10, 2005

It's Co.Ol.D.

Yeah, compared to Juneau, or some obscure place in the Rockies, we're not that cold, but regardless of the temperature, here at the mouth of the Columbia River Gorge, when the East Wind kicks up you can really freeze your belly button (if it's exposed). With gusts up to 50 mph, visibility was actually ZERO this afternoon, even though it was totally sunny. It was ZERO because I had to walk with my eyes COMPLETELY CLOSED in order to keep my contacts from blowing clean to Scapoose!

I guess the wind also made it slightly hazy because this picture of Mt. Hood I took this morning didn't turn out as clear as I wanted.

I went shopping at Dollar Tree (where everything's a dollar!) to pick up some sundry items for Nine Forward, and to ostensibly buy my Christmas presents. Well, I put a few items into my basket and quietly (yet expectantly) moved to the front of the store. Expectantly, because I was actually assuming that I would find many cash registers open (this being the fortnight before Christmas, and all) and a virtual gaggle of helpful, friendly clerks just waiting to assist me, the paying customer. But alas, my expectations were dashed. There were THREE registers open, and a line of at least 15 people in line for EACH register! It looked like a 20 minute wait. I looked into my basket, then back at the lines. Then back into my basket. I had I think seven items. There's no way I'm going to wait 20 minutes to spend $7.

So, I walked back to a quiet aisle and left my basket on the floor. Yeah, I hate to admit it.

Then I drove to Wal-Mart (yeah, they're non-union, but they have good prices), where the aforementioned wind-contact lens incident occurred, and bought a bunch of things, including my new Christmas Tree. I will erect it tonight and I fully intend to publish a picture of it tomorrow for all of you (yes-- all) to enjoy.

Glad Tidings.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/10/2005 07:27:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Thursday, December 08, 2005

You wanna peek inside?

A little glimpse inside the locker room down at work. THIS is where all your mild-mannered regular guys change into their "Browns" and turn into the uber-professional service providers who are the epitome of grace under pressure. Every day, inside this hallowed room, average Joes become... UPS drivers.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/08/2005 07:29:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Wednesday, December 07, 2005

A Family Portrait

Well, today's picture wasn't actually taken by ME, but I just had to post it here on my blog. Aren't families wonderful? Click on the picture to see it better. It's actually quite interesting.

It was another good Peak Season day. 139 stops. I kept my helper 3.0 hours. Had plenty of time for a long lunch. My helper, Gary, is fighting a cold, yet he worked hard and we got the job done. The s**t has to hit the fan pretty soon, though. I suppose next week and the following week will be pretty hard.

I got another cat last night. More on Seven (so named because he has seven toes on one of his feet) to be posted on a subsequent blog. Suffice it to say for now that crabby Wilma will have nothing to do with him.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/07/2005 07:53:00 PM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Pix o' The Day

I'd like to try taking a picture pretty much every day for my blog. Should be relatively easy to do, considering that I take my cell phone with me everywhere I go.

Today's pix was taken this afternoon while I was on my break, journaling on my laptop at Starbucks. So far, 2005's Peak Season has been mild, to say the least. Plenty of time to take a nice, long lunch.

Okay, I just did a spellcheck of this blog. Did you know that the word "blog" isn't in the dictionary for Blogger? Interesting, isn't it.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/06/2005 08:55:00 PM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Monday, December 05, 2005

Wilma Loves Me

There's nothing quite like being loved. I'm definitely a dog man, but I'm sure not opposed to accepting the warm snuggle of just about ANYONE who would be so inclined. Wilma is an old, obese cat that I got from the Humane Society. She has horrible mats in her hair that I really need to cut out. She snores at night, sometimes so loud that she wakes me up. Did I mention that she's just downright FAT?

But every night when I climb into bed and lie on my back, Wilma crawls up onto my chest and purrs. She loves me. She talks to me. Yes, she is a woman of generous girth, but I love her back.

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/05/2005 09:59:00 PM | 1 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Christmas Shopping This Weekend

I was in Borders on Saturday, and I saw this woman walking around wearing reindeer antlers. I just had to share...

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/05/2005 09:51:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Back to the grind

Had a nice weekend. Did a little Christmas shopping. Played a little darts. Now it's back to work. Early start this morning. More (real) blogging to come...

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/05/2005 05:40:00 AM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

Friday, December 02, 2005

I'm coming baaaaack!

Someone please stop me! I think I'm going to blog all over the place!

link | posted by Matt Norquist at 12/02/2005 10:37:00 PM | 0 reflections. CLICK HERE.

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