Our local Fox station has a news telecast at ten PM, that tonight followed the new Fox show “Are you smarter than a Fifth Grader.” So, as a “teaser” for their “news” show, right after the “Fifth Grader” program they touted that they were going to have a segment where viewers could go “head to head” to see how they can do against fifth graders. Sounds fun, but is this blatant promotion of their network actually news? I suppose to answer that question, we should check out the affiliates of other newtorks to see if they also had a segment about answering questions from the fifth grade.

I seriously doubt that this made the other non-Fox station’s news broadcasts.

While I certainly don’t object to this fun little ditty (but let me be quick to add that I don’t really like those “teasers” they use to intice you into watching their broadcasts), I do wish the station would change the name of their broadcast to “The Ten O’Clock News and Entertainment Hour.”

Oh, and yes, the “news” broadcast also included a “news” story about tonight’s “American Idol” television show. Actually, it showed two stories about “Idol,” one of which was strategically placed at the end of the broadcast, complete with– you guessed it– an inviting “teaser” to intice you into watching the whole news show. Am I the only one who doesn’t think this is news?

Tonight’s eleven o’clock news on our local ABC affiliate LED OFF with a story about a man who called 911 because he was not allowed to enter a night club. The upshot of the story was that the man was high on something, and he wanted the police to force the night club to let him in. A bizarre story, to be sure, but news? And lead story news?

Oh, and did I mention… this whole story took place A WEEK AGO! A full week ago! And yet– get this– it is reported by a reporter who is LIVE on the scene of the night club. A WEEK LATER, THE REPORTER IS STILL THERE AT THE NIGHT CLUB for what reason? Is there a possiblity that more news might happen there? And just maybe the reporter might be able to relay it to us LIVE? Why in the world do we need a LIVE report when the “news” (and I use that term extremely losely) happened a full week ago?

Oh, and did I mention… after they led with this “news” story (this is a news broadcast, not Entertainment Tonight, isn’t it?) they went on to report about other items– things that might possibly be construed to be real and actual news; like a fatal head-on collision on a freeway (the second in as many weeks in that same area); a man pleading not-guilty to murdering a 77 year-old woman; the indictment of a school Superintendent on allegations of criminal mistreatment of a teenager. I would suggest that any one of these stories is more newsworthy– and more worthy of being a lead story for a broadcast– than was the “story” of a stoned man calling 911 in order to get into a night club.

Can you guess why they led with this story that really wasn’t news? Here’s the honest truth they don’t want you to realize: They led with it because they had a mobile news crew available. That’s really why– so they could say “We’re LIVE on the scene…”

When is news not news?

When it’s LIVE just because they can.

I sometimes keep the TV tuned to CNN Headline news, with the volume turned all the way down, just to keep an eye on the world as I move around my home, doing my daily things. On CNN, in our city, they take a break occasionally, and turn it over to the local station for a “Local Edition” update. Usually this “update” isn’t actually an update, because a careful observer will see that this “update” is a recording– repeated over and over during the day. But I digress…

If you ever want to know if there’s any real news going on, here’s a clue: If the lead story from the newscast is “Elephant at zoo recovering from surgery” it’s a pretty good bet that there really is no news going on. If the lead story is something as dumb as that, I usually just turn the sound off, or change the channel, or (here’s a novel idea) turn the TV off. This was the case today as CNN turned it over to the local station.

I just wish the news outlets would have the honesty to say something like this… “There really is nothing happening right now, so we’re going to bring you this story about an elephant at the zoo, recovering from surgery…”

I just have to say something about the bumper sticker I occasionally see on cars that says “The most violent element in society is ignorance.” Apparently this is a quote by Emma Goldman. In my opinion, she's off her rocker, and she doesn't do a very good job of promoting her political agenda. It's stupid, and outrageous.

Let’s just take this statement apart a little, shall we?

Who are the ignorant people to which this statement refers? Well, judging from the vast number of other bumper stickers that usually accompany this one on the back of cars, the ignorant people are those people who disagree with the owner of the car. “If you don’t agree with me, you are ignorant.” [Usually, this means that conservatives are ignorant, because all of the other bumper stickers clearly communicate a liberal (”progressive”) bent.]

Next question: What do we do with violent people? Well, of course, we lock them up! Right? I mean, violent people need to be separated from society so that the general public can be safe, right? Of course we lock violent people up. At the very least, we lock them up until they are “reformed” (or so the idea goes).

So, what can we then conclude?: Ignorant people should be locked up! I mean, if ignorance equates with violence, what other conclusion could be made?

If ignorant people must be locked up (at least until they are thoroughly reformed to NOT be ignorant), then what this statement is really saying is this: “If you disagree with me, you are ignorant. And if you are thus ignorant, you should therefore be locked up. That is to say, If you disagree with me, you should be locked up.”

Think about that for a minute.

“If you disagree with me, you should be locked up.”

When you’re watching a newscast, or reading a news story, ask yourself “Why is this important?”

Yeah, I'm still here.